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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28494324">We've Only Just Begun</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfernoGalore/pseuds/InfernoGalore'>InfernoGalore</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuuin no Tsurugi | Fire Emblem: Binding Blade, Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken | Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Constipation, F/M, Found Family, Nagamas, Nagamas 2020, Post-Game(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, implied trans character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:09:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,628</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28494324</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfernoGalore/pseuds/InfernoGalore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Many years after the passing of Archsage Athos and the birth of his second child, Pent recommends his pupil Erk to assume the role of Etruria's next Mage General. Erk does not think of himself with the same integrity, and struggles to make a decision while attempting to reconcile with the fact that life after the Black Fang conflict has never been the same.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Erk/Priscilla (Fire Emblem)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Nagamas Gifts</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>We've Only Just Begun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/airlock/gifts">airlock</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All things considered, the contract ended in failure. It was a mistake that Erk would not allow himself to forget despite protests from several important people ranging from his own guardians to the King of Etruria.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sentiment was understandable, of course—saving Elibe from infernal annihilation was, above all else, quite the feat to have accomplished before he’d even reached adulthood. But in Erk’s mind, the detours and conflicts he found himself stumbling or coerced into while trying to complete a simple escort mission were foolish mistakes at best and unforgiveable ones at worst.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If he couldn’t follow a basic contract and get a client to their final destination, what logic was there in recommending him to lead one third of Etruria’s army?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk’s true opinion about Lord Pent’s recommendation went beyond that excuse, but he still found himself unable to summon courage to be truthful in the presence of the person he admired most, nor could he admit to himself just how deep an overwhelming sense of dread had crept into his heart since the Black Fang’s demise. For him, expressing humility had become a performative obligation. If the matter was not addressed in a timely fashion, things would only get worse—<em>had</em> gotten worse—and yet he still allowed time to tick away as though longevity that rivaled Archsage Athos awaited them all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But what was the worst outcome of his decision? Finding himself in a position he did not feel comfortable in? Dishonoring his beloved family by openly refusing the request?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The reasoning behind House Reglay’s restructuring was both, as Erk would say to anyone who inquired, understandable and logical, leaving him without reason to protest. Pent and Louise had made a vital (albeit abrupt) decision in wanting to raise their youngest children with exceptional care following a perilous incident that nearly resulted in poor Klein’s death, but were unable to proceed with their respective retirements until proper successors were ready for the transition.  Pent, as dedicated as he was to his role as Etruria’s Mage General, was eager to resume the research of his own late mentor as well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>To say that House Reglay was in disarray felt disrespectful to even consider, but the thought that he was responsible for such open chaos had already rooted itself in Erk’s mind as soon as Pent had even implied passing the title to him. The deadline for his acceptance of his mentor’s most important request loomed just beneath that, a venomous serpent of a thought waiting with utmost patience.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Following a month’s rest, life resumed as normal: Erk and several of his siblings returned to their respective studies, correspondence between their now-disbanded army began to stir as everyone returned home, Lord Pent and Lady Louise continued furthering diplomatic relations with their new Lycian allies, and the world itself seemed to blossom with the closest feeling Erk could liken to peace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Time healed many wounds since House Reglay returned to Etruria, but many years on, Erk found himself in a perpetual state of increasing unsettling distress that still was not calmed by the constant presence of his family, correspondence from friends, or even the return to a normal living.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Though he always had the respectful audience of his surrogate parents since they had so compassionately taken him into their home during his childhood, Erk found himself seeking their guidance with increasing frequency following the end of the Black Fang’s campaign of terror across Elibe. Fighting alongside Pent and Louise had strengthened the trust between them all, and as one of the oldest students in their household, Erk had taken it upon himself to learn from them in every way he thought possible, even when words to describe his feelings so often failed him.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wanted to support his siblings in the same way Lord Pent and Lady Louise had even at their busiest, knowing they were at their wit’s end with their own biological children, but found himself ashamed when they felt the need to take it upon themselves and hire the gladiator that had saved Klein from his gruesome fate years earlier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>He </em>was the older sibling; he should have been there to protect Klein! More importantly, he should have considered the thought to serve as his protector to begin with. Here he was, not even related by blood, living in their home without so much as a cent to offer them, and he couldn’t even protect the people most important to him—instead, they had come to rely on a complete stranger who was ready to sacrifice his own life to save a small child without hesitation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Such selfless bravery cut Erk deep with envy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For many nights since that event, he often found himself wondering how he managed to survive so many battles, many by himself, more frequently him flanking experienced soldiers of far greater experience.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After Dieck’s commendation and recruitment, the thoughts multiplied tenfold and began spiraling. Restless nights that already came with little sleep became endless, and Erk found himself concentrating on his studies harder than ever before, something that Pent initially approved of but later rebuked him for when he’d been discovered still reading well into dawn.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But what truly brought his bewilderment was finding the crackling fireplace in Erk’s bedroom was curiously extinguished whenever he was present, replaced only by a bare minimum of candles to light the room in silence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then people began to notice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was negligible at first, something Erk decided was simply a personal quirk of his own and nothing to be concerned about, strange as it was to leave his own hearth unlit in the dead of winter. He insisted he preferred a cold room, undeterred even by the sight of his breath in front of him, the way ice collected along the interior panes of his windows, or the lack of feeling in his fingers and toes. Housekeepers found him odd already, and he was already known for politely refusing most hospitality—this habit was not much different than anything else Erk would do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But the first serious instance he could recall someone addressing his unusual change in demeanor was during Priscilla’s first visit since returning to Etruria. How terribly excited he had been to see his dear friend again! A lavish dinner had been planned for her and House Caerleon when they visited, but in his haste and excitement, Erk misplaced a gift for her he’d spent many weeks agonizing over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The fire was rekindled when he went to retrieve it from his room, flickering and snapping so vibrantly. Instead of tender comfort, it only stirred creeping dread into his heart, then panic, its own poison, spreading through him as though the fire itself began consuming the entire castle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk couldn’t pull his eyes away, his gift for Priscilla the furthest thing from his mind. No sound of conversation and laughter reached his ears. His original purpose was long forgotten, replaced by memories of searing heat that whipped around them all in a cataclysmic display of power beyond what any of them could ever hope to understand, much less defend themselves against.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then the dragon roared, and that sound was the sound of death itself, a howl of flame and terror and the end of all things.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The gentle click of his bedroom door closing went unheard, and it wasn’t until Louise took a few careful steps into his peripheral vision, her lips moving to form words he could not hear that Erk finally let himself blink, finding his cheeks wet with tears as he looked helplessly to her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Louise held him as he collapsed to the floor, no judgment voiced, her arms around him the one thing Erk never knew just how desperately he needed until that very moment. The strength in her embrace revealed that whatever troubled him was something she knew; whether or not it was some exact thing she understood herself didn’t matter. Louise knew <em>him</em>, and Erk was in a place where he could no longer refuse her help.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had fallen apart again in a way like never before, something he could not find words for but needed protection from. The careful effort he’d made since his teacher had so graciously invited him home to never show an excess of emotion was forgotten, tears flowing freely now in a way he knew he would find himself embarrassed by many years later.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>♦</p><hr/>
<p>♦</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ve upset her, Erk.” Pent’s answer was obvious, the most tender way he could convey something Erk had stupidly not acknowledged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In trying to soothe his wife’s concern, he had only managed to draw frustration instead. Further attempts to explain himself brought tears, and once that ire was out in the open, Erk consistently found himself at a loss for words. Rather than his usual blunt approach, he’d attempted deviating from Priscilla’s questions and confused them both, fearing a blunt admission would only upset her more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk felt himself flush with embarrassment as Pent regarded him through the dreaded eyes of paternal disappointment, nodding at the realization. Ashamed, he averted his gaze, but did not respond yet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your expectations of yourself are…” Pent’s mouth formed into a thin line, more concern than disappointment. “Limiting. And you are someone I know has such great potential—I truly wish you would allow yourself to live up to your own capabilities! You are as harsh on your person as you are your studies. Actually, much harsher, I would say.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know,” he answered softly, and meant it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll agree with you that there’s a particular standard to live up to as men, but… I feel like you’ve allowed yourself to put too much thought into it over the years, especially once you crossed the threshold into adulthood.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes,” Louise agreed, looking over her shoulder from where she hovered over their daughter’s crib. “It’s always been something that left us concerned. You are so reluctant, Erk, and that’s never been a problem—you know we love you even when you are so sour, that is what makes you so very you!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk almost smiled, though he knew she was not finished. His eyes were drawn to the fire at the opposite end of their room instead, his heart beat faster despite being a great distance away. His eyes went to the floor immediately.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your vocabulary has improved during your studies, but, uh… Verboseness does not always make for the best explanations. But I feel that ever since we discussed your state of being since we’ve returned home… Well…” Louise seemed uncertain with how to finish, turning away as she paused. “I feel you’ve been even more cruel to yourself. Unnecessarily so. And I know you’ve talked with Priscilla at length about <em>some</em> things, but Erk…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We love you,” Pent interjected, but it felt out of place. Erk gave him a questioning look, wondering if he was to be dismissed with a curt reminder to figure things out on his own before their conversation had resolved itself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finally satisfied with how Clarine arranged herself in her sleep, Louise nodded in agreement and stepped away from the crib to join Pent in the empty chair to his left. “It’s important for you to be as honest with Priscilla as we are with each other,” She gestured to Pent and herself. “And as you are with us. It took some time, but it’s something I know you can accomplish. You’ve already shared so much with her and you’ve welcomed each other into your lives… If you were to live unhappily without being able to share your feelings with her, that wouldn’t be fair to her.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wasn’t that Erk hadn’t realized that. He paused, finding his own justifications were becoming defensive. He hated to question the wisdom of his guardians, and even when he’d admitted his regrets to protect Klein and the rest of his siblings, they had assured him he was assuming responsibilities for things entirely out of his control. Especially with Klein, they admitted—as his parents, they had been horrifically irresponsible that day and nearly lost him for it. Despite his protests, they’d talked Erk through every hypothetical instance of that he insisted upon, entertaining each and every one of his what ifs, could haves, should haves, and would haves.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>How could he be at fault for circumstances entirely out of his control? If it was something he could have controlled, what would he have done better? And Erk hardly had answers for either question, desperately searching for them until Pent and Louise had insisted over and over, blue in the face, that he was not at fault. It was no different than attempting to take responsibility for the terrible shipwrecks that occurred along Bern’s jagged coasts during that summer.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>How could he be at fault if he was never there?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You have a tender heart, and there is no weakness in that,” Louise said, joining Erk on the opposite sofa instead to put a comforting arm around his shoulders, a calculating move on her part knowing how quick he was to begin pacing about the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>How childish he felt in that moment! But how reassured all the same, to know he could allow himself to be weak without judgment around people he loved so very much—no, to be <em>himself</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your concerns are our concerns, and your concerns are dear Priscilla’s concerns too. Let her be there for you like you are for her and like we are for each other.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pent spoke up again, his tone grim. “After traveling for so long together, many of us have only been able to find comfort in each other’s company. Others simply cannot comprehend what they have not seen, but that’s not their fault. Many of them try even despite that. That’s love, Erk. But remember that you and Priscilla were both there, and you’re both still healing from that as much as you are everything else.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The two of you should write to your friends. I’m sure they’d all have their own advice for you as well… Maybe you could even go see some of them.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lady Louise,” Erk began, and sighed when she squeezed his opposite shoulder. “I… But—”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But what?” Pent interrupted, though there was no urgency in his voice.</p>
<p><br/>
Erk felt he already knew what troubled him most at that moment. “There is so much to be done,” he replied, as frustrated by his own vague statement as his guardians must have been. So much? <em>Too</em> much. He truly could not fathom where to begin. “It would be irresponsible of me to even consider leaving Etruria at this point.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But it wouldn’t be,” Louise insisted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Part of him felt ashamed when Pent began throwing out guesses, and Erk began to wonder if he strayed from certain ideas intentionally, dragging his hands down his face in frustration. Eventually, Pent settled on the correct subject, and Erk felt himself go rigid in Louise’s grasp, closing his eyes so they wouldn’t settle on the fire again. The wedding band around his finger felt uncomfortably tight when he closed his hands against his knees.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re worried over us.” Erk didn’t respond, but maybe that was a mistake. His eyes opened when Pent began to laugh, Louise joining him. “Ah, Erk. You are still so young! But so sensitive, and that is even more reason why I insist my choice must be correct.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lord Pent…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The worries you carry are such heavy burdens, Erk.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“…They are.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Would you share them with us?” Louise asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk’s immediate reaction was to excuse himself and dismiss their conversation, but he remained where he sat despite anxiety that bordered on overwhelming him, reaching up to run his fingers through hair he’d forgotten was now too short to hide any part of his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I fear, and will no doubt sound strange to you, but… I fear if I am unable to complete a simple escort mission, what business would I have leading an army? Lord Pent, Lady Louise, I am so much unlike you. I… I feel that I do not have the credentials or reliability to accept such a distinguished recommendation. But at the same time, I am ashamed, feeling that I must refuse due to my own inadequacies. I feel…” As he trailed off, Erk slouched forward, one hand resting against his forehead now. “I feel I am feeling far too many things.” And he laughed, though the sound was exasperated and miserable. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pent watched him for a moment, thinking. “Is this something you <em>want</em>, though? I would never rush a decision from you, Erk, especially one of great importance like this. And you will not offend me if you refuse. There is no dishonor to House Reglay or whatever imagined consequence you must be winding yourself up over—whatever you decide for yourself, I will accept graciously. But as I’ve mentioned before, I think you should speak with Priscilla first and foremost. You need each other.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not because we don’t want to hear what troubles you,” Louise added. “But because Priscilla is the person who knows you best of all. She cares about you in a way that will outlast the way we care for you. She will always be there even when we’re dead and gone someday. You owe it to her to let her know you however she can so the two of you can find happiness in a way best for both of you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk nodded in agreement, hearing their words even if he did not have a response for them yet. He thought of the ongoing years of courtship between Priscilla and himself, how thrilled he’d been of each instance of reciprocation and how intently he’d listened whenever she shared her favorite things, her dreams from the night before, or even memories from her own life before their first meeting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And what glimpses of himself had he offered her in return, if anything?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her trust had always been given to him willingly despite whatever shortcomings he insisted would affect their relationship in negative fashion. Even his most personal secrets had been shared with her without so much as a hint of confusion, disappointment, or anger. Part of Priscilla’s response made it seem like she already had some inclination as to who he really was, but maybe that was what made Erk love her so deeply. So much trepidation went into every revelation over something that, in hindsight, felt silly to have been so stressed over. Only relief was there as he shed each layer of himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nothing between them had changed even if they had as individuals. They were still Erk and Priscilla, friends then, husband and wife now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He started to say <em>“I know”</em> in response, but paused.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk <em>didn't </em>know—if he had, they wouldn’t be having this discussion at such an hour.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>♦</p><hr/>
<p>♦</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk was a man of frequent calculation and rarely of haste.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the few minutes' walk from Castle Reglay to his home on the same grounds, a thousand apologies collected on his tongue with the urge to find Priscilla at once. But he hovered outside of their dark cottage for what felt like ages, unsure if he should wake her or save something so urgent for the morning after they'd both had additional time to rest and reflect on their earlier miscommunication. He felt himself losing any resolve he'd formed earlier when speaking with Pent and Louise, grimacing as he paced along the cobblestone walkway to their door, once again searching fruitlessly for loose hair to run his fingers through.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was fine and wouldn’t surprise him if she'd gone to sleep without him—in fact, he hoped that was the case. With that in mind, Erk steeled himself with a deep breath, opening the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or he would have, if the knob bothered turning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And through the window of the front door, Erk's eyes settled on the very key he'd misplaced sitting between a pair of candles. Another ridiculous mistake in his haste, forgetting to take his own key! His forehead fell against the window with a curse. What a mess of a night. He would sooner cast his very being into the sea than knock and disturb Priscilla or anyone else on the property at that point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Returning to the castle was an option, though that meant another lengthy walk there and up several flights of stairs. Despite the season, the weather was still mild at such a late hour, and Erk decided a night outside wouldn't be but so bad. The grounds were safe, there was no danger to worry about, and his clothes were warm enough. Perhaps in the flower beds he and Priscilla had tried so hard to cultivate earlier in the year.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As he followed the path around to the back of their cottage, the door opened. Erk froze, his courage lost.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was wondering when you might come home... You ran off in such a hurry you forgot your key.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Blushing, Erk turned to face his wife. “I... Er... Well, I was just... I thought rather than wake you I would, just, um... Maybe just, um,” He gestured over his shoulder with his thumb. “Sleep out there.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Priscilla blinked. “In the garden?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He chewed his upper lip, stubborn and ready to commit to his absurd suggestion. “Yes.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well… I'm glad I stayed up, then. I wasn't sure if you were coming back tonight.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You stayed up? Ah...” Another apology to add to the collection he had amassed on his way back. “I... Priscilla, I feel foolish. Very—no. I <em>know</em> I have been foolish.” Priscilla studied him without saying anything, a mix of concern and frustration in the way she leaned against the door frame, arms folded against herself for warmth. Erk's gaze fell to one of their haphazardly planted herb gardens lining the cottage windows before his steely expression softened. “Would it be alright if I...?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a moment, Priscilla nodded, opening the door to allow him enough room to enter. As Erk passed her, a delicate hand fell to his shoulder, soft in touch but firm with intent. “You have more to say.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk watched her sidelong before taking Priscilla's hands in his own, bringing them to his cheek. Nothing could be hidden from her. "I do. But I thought to save that for after you've rested... Especially if you've been up so late waiting for me over another mistake."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her hands parted from his grasp, arms settling around his shoulders. "I want to hear it while it's on your mind."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk hesitated. “Lord Pent and Lady Louise gave me much to think about when I asked them. I... Well, I do know at least some things can be condensed. The important things.” He returned her embrace, relieved at the welcoming gesture more than anything, and Priscilla's weight settled against him as he reciprocated. “Really, Priscilla, it's no trouble...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It <em>is</em> trouble!” Priscilla insisted. “I don't want you to wait this time and... And try and make some logical explanation for it, or whatever it is you are so wont to do. I want to know what you feel and what's made you so upset, because—” Her voice trembled, and Erk's heart sank to the bottom of the ocean. “—because it makes <em>me</em> upset, because then I don't know what to do to help. <em>You're</em> trouble, Erk.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You're right,” he agreed, and the phrasing came easier this time. “You're right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She was on the verge of crying, but that admission earned a giggle that eased his mind just enough and prevented her tears from falling. Priscilla dabbed at the corners of her eyes with her fingertips. “But you're smart, saying that. You've learned something, at least. I want to talk because I have things that need to be said, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>From that point onward, Erk didn’t argue, settling on faith and trust between them instead of placing his entire explanation on whatever he thought was best for both of them. Nodding, he tilted his head to kiss Priscilla's temple, pausing until she finally collected herself and shut the door. For a moment, the two of them stood hand-in-hand, Erk finding himself yet again at a loss for words until Priscilla leaned in to kiss his forehead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm supposed to do that,” he grumbled, pecking her lips as he toed his boots off, stumbling after her when she tugged him down the hall into their kitchen. “Ah, but Priscilla—”</p>
<p><br/>
“Yes?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She looked over her shoulder, and when Erk found her eyes again in the dim moonlight, her cheeks flushed so red like her hair as she smiled so brilliantly, he remembered exactly why he loved her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm sorry.” At first, she didn't reply, and Erk felt himself panic. “D-did I say that already? ...Um. If I did, then I am <em>very</em> sorry. ...What? You're not...”</p>
<p><br/>
She shook her head in gentle dismissal, squeezing his hand. Erk pressed his back against the wall of their kitchen, grounding himself as she crossed the room to retrieve a kettle from their fireplace, sprinkling remnants of tea leaves and flower petals she’d hoped to grow into a pair of cups when she returned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You're quiet when things bother you,” she began, her bluntness surprising but appreciated. “It is... When I notice it, sometimes I will see your face, and it's like you're looking far away at something nobody else can see.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His eyes flicked to her silently, hidden for a moment as she turned her back. Without replying, Erk joined her at the table, his face obscured by a cloud of steam rising from the boiling water.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Like daydreaming, but different. It's something I started to see in others during the conflict with the Black Fang. But even when we were younger, Erk, I remember noticing it in your face when we were trapped in Laus. You were so quick to leave and find help, though, that I thought maybe it was just a moment of absent-mindedness, since I knew how much you liked to study whenever the opportunity presented itself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Priscilla sat at the table across from him, stirring sugar into her own piping cup before she moved her chair closer, their hands touching. Erk set his own cup to the side and leaned back in his chair, watching the two columns of steam billowing and intertwining in the air in front of them. It wasn't the first thing on his mind to discuss, but it played in integral part over most everything he'd kept to himself. She was upset, he needed to fix it, and most importantly, he needed to deal with his own discomfort for everyone’s benefit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But Erk… What is it that you see?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There is so much,” he replied softly, and squeezed her hand in acknowledgement when it settled near his. “I don't know where to begin. I don't think whatever it was bothered me quite like it does until after everything had ended. I remember practicing fire spells without issue for so long. Maybe there was something that bothered me when I agreed to escort you to Lycia, since it wasn't my first time traveling through a battlefield—I told you about the siege on Castle Caelin, didn't I?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Priscilla nodded. “Yes, in great detail.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“In comparison to the things we saw together, it seems so... I don't want to say insignificant, since it was an event of great importance. It was my first true experience with battle and with genuine matters of life and death. Troubles before then seem negligible. Fire made me... Somewhat uncomfortable after that, I suppose.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is this what troubles you over your decision to accept Count Reglay's recommendation?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He considered her question carefully before nodding. “Well, part of it. It is something I've discussed with Lord Pent and Lady Louise at great length at than one occasion, because they understood the… The whatever it is. I never wanted to admit any of this to you or trouble you with it, and if they didn’t know, I would have kept it from them as well. But by doing what I thought was best, all I did was cause you to worry more, Priscilla. And on top of that, you've seen many of the things I've seen with your own eyes as well. I thought... I thought you would see me as less than a man if I shared any of it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, Erk. What a silly thing to say.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The corners of his mouth twitched into a sad smile. “I feel I ask so much of you already. It may seem irrational, I know... That seems an easy way to describe it. It took so long for me to even discuss this with them, and—and do you remember, after the Black Fang conflict, when House Caerleon visited the castle? Oh, Priscilla, I was so happy to see you! But the... The memories, I suppose, I don't know what else to call them, they caught me by surprise in the most terrible way imaginable. I saw fire, and...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The poison cloud of dread suddenly gripped him, and Erk looked up, searching for Priscilla's face, unable to continue. Shaking his head, he began to stand and remove himself from her company as she squeezed his hand, but she held fast, both hands clasped tightly around his wrist. “Erk. Erk! Please. Please tell me, sit down. I want to know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I'm sorry. Let me, um... Would you give me a moment to collect myself? I do want to share these things with you. I feel I'm more self-conscious than frightened at the moment. I know it's something you understand.” Priscilla did not release her grip until Erk was seated again, moving closer still until their shoulders touched.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As he exhaled, Erk closed his eyes, his expression vacant when he opened them again. He felt himself losing grip on whatever anchored him in the present.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The voice that came did not feel like his own. “Do you remember the Dragon's Gate?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Priscilla's eyes widened, and what Erk saw could only be what Priscilla had described to him just moments before. With that realization, he felt as though there was nothing else worthy of description. He took Priscilla in his arms then and held her, finding as much comfort in her presence as he hoped he provided her. How calmly the moon seemed to hang in the air at that moment! The very same sight that had awaited them the night of that catastrophic battle, the same as it had always been, and the same it always would be, hanging with such serenity even as the world around them burned to ash.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I noticed that fire began to bother me in a different way after returning to Etruria. I'm sure you heard of it long before you visited, and how odd it must have sounded... The fuss I would make over extinguishing all the hearths I might happen across, or how I would request none be lit in my room, even on the most bitter nights of winter. It’s why I was sick so often after everything returned to normal, I think. A lone flame was all it took for me to remember that so clearly. Even candlelight made me feel on edge for quite some time, but there was no light with new moons. That became tolerable after a point. But anything else...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sometimes I still remember the way it... <em>It</em> sounded,” Priscilla murmured, her voice mechanical and unable to latch onto such a visceral memory. For a while, she was rigid in his arms until she found the strength to force more words out. “The dragon. There are times where I'll feel myself falling asleep, and I swear I'll hear it, and suddenly I'm awake again. It's—it's nightmares, the ones I've told you about, but I never wanted to describe them because I've always had trouble sleeping to begin with, and…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her voice trembled again, and Erk's thumb brushed against her elbow, removing his gaze from the gentle moonlight and to Priscilla’s pale shoulder instead. “I thought it was the end.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So did I.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you remember all of the times I told you about how I failed to protect you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>
“You didn’t, though.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“None of my contracts were ever completed. Serra and I were drawn into the Caelin siege because I inadvertently led us in the wrong direction—no, no, not even that. Because <em>I</em> was too stubborn to ask someone for directions because I was so cross with her. And then when you were taken prisoner in Laus... My concerns arise from being unable to complete simple escort tasks. That much isn't entirely untruthful. That does still bother me. But... I didn't want to talk about what happened at the Dragon's Gate, even though everyone else experienced it too. For it to bother me so severely makes me feel so weak, so childish compared to someone like Lord Pent or General Wallace,” Erk lowered his head, pressing a kiss to the exposed skin between Priscilla's neck and shoulder. “I am not a strong man, Priscilla. I fear someone like me never will be.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Priscilla moved just enough to allow herself to be comfortable, though she did not respond. Her silence left Erk uncertain of how to continue, eyes shining and glassy with tears as he stroked her hair behind her ears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No matter the circumstances, I have never felt safer than when I am with you. Even at the Dragon's Gate... You were there, Erk. My brother was there. Lucius was there, and Lady Louise with her bow, and the Lycian League—so many were there, so strong even as they stared death in the face. Even at the direst moments when I thought the fire would be the last thing I ever saw, I held onto the hope that we would triumph together. I don't know if I felt relieved or not when we did... Only scared. And I'm still scared, Erk, because what if something like that happened again, and it's only us this time?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What if, indeed? For such a terrible, world-consuming conflict to have ended so recently made it seem as though a peaceful Elibe was truly possible after everyone experienced the might of dragons again. But even with that collective victory over the Black Fang, each nation’s military was still active. The threat of war may not have existed at that very moment, but Priscilla's fears were not unfounded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her composure crumbled piece by piece in his arms, and Erk held tight as Priscilla’s voice cracked. “But even if something happens again, no matter what, I know we will be ready.” She lifted her head, clenching her teeth to stifle a sob before she continued. “We survived that for a reason, Erk! Even then, I had faith in everyone—most especially you! I knew you wouldn't let anything happen. And more than anything, I wanted to make sure nothing happened to you either, because you've always tried your hardest no matter what,” The noise that croaked from her throat was something between a sob and a laugh, her entire face now alight with the fiery passion she had been so convinced had been worth stifling in her youth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And because I loved you then, and because I love you now! So when you say,” she hiccupped, pausing, “When you start about that... That <em>stupid</em> contract business—<em>Erk, it's </em>stupid<em>, Erk! You heard me, don't look at me like that!</em>—it makes me want to just...” Priscilla rambled away into sobs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The admission was as heartbreaking as it was touching, and Erk did not rush his wife to continue, wondering how long he would have allowed his own insecurities continue hurting her had they not spoken tonight. Determined as he was to keep his own composure, Erk felt himself tearing up over her words. How kind and compassionate his Priscilla had always been, so ready to bring notice to everything worthy of the priceless gift that was her praise and attention.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I love you too,” he replied, the most important thought of all. “I thought leaving you unburdened with thoughts like these would show that... And here you are, right again about everything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It's not about what you can or can't provide, or whatever you think makes you lesser compared to someone else. I like you because you are <em>you</em>, because you listen, and because you care, and because you make me laugh even when you might not mean to.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They sat in silent contemplation before Priscilla stirred in his arms, her sobs quieting, reaching for her teacup as she collected herself. Erk kept his hand on her waist for a lingering moment. “I think... Lady Louise must have told you I was sick that evening when you came to visit. I don't think I even got to see you. I've always felt ashamed of lying to you then and I feel like everything that followed has been its own half-truth in turn.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Even so... There are far more heinous things, Erk. I think the entire truth now is already telling both of us enough and makes up for lost time. And it helps me to understand you a little more, at least. I thought perhaps I had said something to offend you without meaning to.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, of course not. You have never been disrespectful with your choice of words... It was just ill timing. I felt there was great pressure on me to accept that invitation from Lord Pent and I looked for excuses to prove him wrong with his recommendation.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did you finally speak with him about it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes. He said—”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know what he said. I've already spoken with them at length about your apprehension... All that was needed was for you to host that discussion yourself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ah… And here you are, making me out to be a fool again.” He smiled. “They reminded me the importance of sharing those concerns with you especially. I feel I have a better understanding of that now, and how important you are to me. How important <em>we</em> are.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Priscilla shot him a knowing look and Erk relented, lifting his hands up in a passive shrug of acceptance. She returned to her tea and he did as well, unbothered by its tepid state, the two of them silent for quite some time. Silence never bothered Erk—in fact, he took great comfort knowing he and Priscilla both felt comfortable enough to go without conversation for extended stretches, both content in each other's company. He thought he might braid the hair hanging over her left shoulder when she leaned back against him, an art remembered only vaguely from his own long-haired youth, fingers clumsily separating its length into three divisions before he found himself uncertain of how to continue.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I wish we were better at gardening,” she sighed, gesturing to another half-dead collection of herbs and miniature flowers lining the window of their kitchen before she took over his pitiful attempt at braiding her hair. “I thought magic might revive them, but it's only made things worse. I was so excited for us to have food and flowers growing in the back! But now I wonder if anything will grow at all.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe we'll have better luck next year.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe. We’ll try harder. But Erk, before we go to sleep... Was there more?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“About what we were just talking about. About the Dragon's Gate. About the things on your mind.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was always more. Divulging everything so far left him exhausted in a way he could not recall having experienced before. But rather than dismissing her concern, Erk gave the question some careful thought, reflecting on everything they'd shared. Priscilla had poured her heart out once again without hesitation, and though he could not imagine himself delivering the same impassioned declarations, Erk did not want to leave their conversation without conclusion. If there was any issue with them being awake so late into the evening, she did not show it, and the thought made Erk realize he was already beginning to doubt her again. Priscilla knew herself best, not him—it was up to the two of them to share aspects of themselves with the other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I suppose everything returns to that idea. Finding myself weak and unfitting such a position if I cannot even accomplish the simplest of assignments. Their whole purpose was to be so easy that a child could complete them, and others like me might be sent on them… I am afraid of failure, Priscilla. I am afraid of how my shortcomings affect others. If I couldn't get you to where you needed to go, what business do I have leading an entire army? And not only that, but I am no great sage like Lord Pent. Archsage Athos has left him an incredibly legacy, but me? I am nobody of significance.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But you are. You just don't know it yet. You're already passionate about the things you study, but the decision is up to you. And if you refuse, there will be no issue. Maybe...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think you should take some additional time to think things over, since there's no immediate need." Priscilla raised a finger before a sound could emerge from his parted lips. “Hold on, I'm not finished. Lord Pent said there's no rush—”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk interjected regardless. “Even so, there are things in need of attention immediately. Archsage Athos' research has gone untouched for years now. By keeping Lord Pent from that, it's upsetting the balance of everything in his life... I know it's very important to him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Priscilla’s voice was stern now. “You shoulder the burdens of others and claim fault for things you have no business doing. If I said these things you are saying, wouldn't you say the same to me? Or to anyone? What about our friend Nino—do you remember how profusely she apologized for everything the Black Fang threw at us, even though she was never at fault for any of their actions? Not once did she ever ask for them to commit any of the acts that they did. If anything, she tried stopping them herself even though it wasn't her responsibility to do so. Erk, I think what you're considering is very kind of you, but there is a limit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He relented. “When you phrase it that way...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is it making more sense now that you've heard it from everyone?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With some reluctance, he nodded. Abandoning the thought process would be no easy task considering everything else that weighed so heavily on his conscience, but Erk took Priscilla's advice to heart. “May I speak plainly?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course. Aren't we now?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I feel bad.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“For the reasons we just discussed. The reaction feels involuntary. I feel guilt for these things in the same way that I feel that I am inconveniencing others by correcting them whenever mistakes are made. I feel bad because I exist. Often I find myself wondering if I can forgive myself for the inconvenience of existing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But I'm happy you exist. Everyone who knows you is happy you exist.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you ever feel that way?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The question surprised Priscilla, her head turning just enough to see him from her peripheral vision. Her eyes fell to the table before she went slack against him. “I try not to think about it, but since you asked… Sometimes. I don't know if I've thought to quite as much extent as you. But like I said before: there is a reason why we survived. I'm determined to fulfill that reason, whatever it may be. We didn't choose to be born. Some of us aren't even born exactly who we're supposed to be, and we have to figure that out on our own without people there to guide us, like you did. But all things considered... Erk, I think you are doing just fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If I am doing just fine, then you are doing superb.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Will you tell me?” Priscilla stacked their empty cups on top of one another and patted his hand until he let go. “Whenever something bothers you from now on? Even if it seems silly in your mind, like the candle wicks being too long… I want to know so I can help you like you always help me. I want us to share all of the good things, but together, we can share our sadness and our pain, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p><br/>
When she stood and faced him, her eyes narrowed with enough doubt to leave him amused. “We’ll heal together. Promise?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Promise.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>♦</p><hr/>
<p>♦</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Erk, I have an idea.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The phrase was a precursor that had led to as many successes as it had failures, their repeated attempts at cultivating a beautiful garden of their own of the most noteworthy. As the season neared its end, they took it upon themselves to clear the land in hopes of a better attempt next year—or perhaps providing an opportunity of leaving it to the expert groundskeepers instead. Priscilla took it upon herself to practice wielding several of Erk’s more complex anima tomes as she scorched unsightly foliage ranging from weeds to gnarled roots, giving him an occasional look for approval or advice as she worked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Without answering, Erk glanced up from a copy of the same tome. The smell of burning leaves felt like a welcome change.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I finally heard from my brother a few days ago.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You must be relieved. How is he?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He apologized for being unable to attend the wedding… But he is well. So is Lucius. I’m just happy to know my letter finally reached them after all that worrying that something might have happened to it. Or to them. They both send their warmest regards and a tribute to our happiness.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s kind of them. What was your idea, though?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well,” Priscilla closed the tome, setting it on a nearby bench and gesturing for Erk to do the same. “I thought to myself, I would very much like to see them! But since they’re both traveling, it might be difficult to track them down. Raven said they will be heading for Ilia next—by the time they’re projected to arrive, the winter will have ended, and its people will need help while waiting for everything to grow green again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And you want to see him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She nodded. “I miss him. I thought maybe I could just go on my own since I feel comfortable traveling alone these days, but I thought to myself… Just to make sure I get there safely… I’ll need an escort. One who I know is capable, trustworthy, and can get me there in one piece.” The sentiment of the proposal amused Erk, but uneasiness outweighed any genuine reactions to her flattery. Whatever expression he made had her frowning in disappointment before she continued. “And I know exactly who I want to handle such a task.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There are far safer options, Priscilla. I think it would make more sense to hire someone with—”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know what I want. And I don’t want a stranger protecting me. Or you. Or us.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Priscilla, I’m not saying that to try and discredit—”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>“I know what I want,”</em> she repeated, indignant this time in a way Erk did not dare refute. “It’s something I’ve put more thought into than I think you realize, but even more since we talked that night. I thought… It might serve as an opportunity for you to redeem yourself. In your own way, like how we talked. Both to prove yourself and everyone else wrong, and that you <em>can</em> accomplish an escort mission of great importance.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She had him there. Such curious and clever reasoning! Erk set his own tome beside Priscilla’s before folding his arms, one hand rising to cup his chin in thought. “Well, when you phrase it that way…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“See? It’s a good idea. Besides, since crops don’t grow so well in Ilia, I thought maybe we could find a way to bring food to its people.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ilia was quite a way away from Etruria, and a journey north seemed perilous if they would be traveling during the brunt of winter. Inclement weather was something neither of them were strangers to during their journey years ago, but there wouldn’t be an army’s worth of support traveling with them. If they traveled together on horseback, the time and distance could easily be halved without having to rely on others. At the same time…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What is it? You look unwell, Erk.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He shook his head. “No, just thinking about how the route would work. I’ve never been to Ilia before.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Then we’ll ask. What do you think?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk put careful thought into his next answer. If they left for Ilia, they could easily be gone for months if not an entire year. He held no titles or importance in matters of Etruria’s politics even if House Reglay emphasized what an important asset he was to their territory, and by extension, House Caerleon as well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pent’s invitation weighed on his mind despite their earlier conversation. There would be no postponing a decision if he left Etruria entirely—it would have to be a refusal. In his heart, he felt uncertain as to whether he actually wanted to become Etruria’s next Mage General if he accepted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A refusal would mean further burden on Pent and his family with responsibilities he was eager to shed for many years. Two small children to parent in the midst of court, teaching, research, and training an army seemed unfathomable. Pent was relying on him to accept the proposal and had waited so long already. Louise undoubtedly needed help if she intended to raise their children with more personal involvement after Clarine’s birth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There’s one more thing,” Priscilla added, waving to bring him back to reality. “I… Actually have an official notice regarding this request. From my father.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She offered him an envelope sealed by the distinctive emerald green wax Count Caerleon used in his correspondence, with Erk looking to her for approval before he opened it. Priscilla’s resourcefulness surprised him, but nonetheless, Erk found himself quite impressed by her careful planning and outright manipulation of the situation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If the document was official, then who was he to refuse a request from his own wife? From her father? From Etruria itself?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I see.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lord Rhys of House Caerleon was notoriously protective of his only daughter, having entrusted her safety to Pent and Erk once prior already. And harsh as Erk was regarding his own accomplishments or lack thereof, Priscilla’s parents had been nothing but kind to him and House Reglay not only for keeping her safe throughout the original contract’s terms, but for escorting her home following the end of the Black Fang. Their tears were not of anger, but of pure elation that their daughter returned safely to them, as much of a changed woman as she was the delicate girl that had left before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It spoke even more of Lord Rhys that he had approved of their affections for one another and was willing to pull any number of strings needed to ensure his daughter’s (and by extension, Erk’s) happiness regardless of no potential heirs to House Caerleon before Pent and Louise reminded him that Erk was very much a member of House Reglay despite no blood relation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I cannot refuse a formal request from House Caerleon,” he agreed, then corrected himself. “I would <em>never</em> refuse a formal request from House Caerleon.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He felt nervous, but more fascinated with Priscilla’s brilliant arrangements. She’d planned things out in advance in such a way that rivaled Lycia’s tactician, and Erk could only wonder how much she must have discussed with Pent and Louise on her own in order to arrange events to her liking. Whatever she replied with went unheard—Erk could only smile back as his wife did, warmth filling his entire body as he realized yet again what a fool he had been.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The decision was already made even if he had not voiced it—all that was left was to deliver the news to Castle Reglay.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Before we go,” Priscilla said, hesitating in a way that contrasted with her earlier insistence, “Are you sure? I know that I said what I said, but if you really don’t want to… I will not force you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk did not grasp at immediate feelings that originated from his heart, but the way something twinged in his chest when he considered Priscilla’s question told him yes. This was nothing to tear his mind to pieces over with his usual thought process, and to emphasize his own satisfaction with the choice they’d made together, Erk folded his father-in-law’s request back into its envelope, marching straight for Castle Reglay with Priscilla by his side.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When they arrived half an hour later, they nearly barged into an ongoing council meeting, but Erk’s patience outweighed his hesitation. Even as the meeting dragged on, he showed no signs of turning tail and returning to the isolated safety of their own home where he could think himself into further turbulence. Eventually, the sealed doors to the ground floor parlor opened, and his heart raced as he jumped to his feet, shoulders rigid. Priscilla linked arms with him, mimicking his own rigid posture.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pent and Louise were the last to exit, an elderly Count Caerleon hobbling along beside them with some difficulty. From where he hunched against Pent’s arm, he smiled, pleasantly surprised by the sight awaiting them. Priscilla greeted him with similar enthusiasm, bowing respectfully to her in-laws before she offered her arm to her father, relieving Pent of his assistance and providing Erk with an opportunity to deliver his decisions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lord Pent,” Erk said, but he found his tone too frantic. He cleared his throat, lowered his voice, and tried again. “Lord Pent. Could you spare a moment?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Always! Things must have gone well if the two of you are here together so soon.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d nearly forgotten their talk from a week ago, nodding as recalled several of the items addressed. “It was not easy, but… Thank you. Your counsel is always greatly appreciated. And yours as well, Lady Louise.” He opened his arms to receive her when she approached, groaning over the vocal kiss she pressed to his cheek.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She laughed, pinching his ear. “So formal! Do not wipe that away. You will understand when you are a parent someday yourself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Blushing, Erk lowered his hand from his face. “I apologize for the sudden interruption. There is… Um, I have something to share with you. I’ve received a formal appeal for aid.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh? Tell us more.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk’s eyes fell to the letter in his hands before they stole a glance in his wife’s direction. “From Lord Rhys, actually… He has asked me once again to provide safe passage for his daughter as she travels to Ilia. Her brother is supposed to be en route to the same location.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Silence fell between them, and even though his face did not change, Erk knew Pent already understood what would come next.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A-and so, you see,” Erk offered the letter to him. “With utmost respect, my lord, and with the deepest regret…” He almost hoped Pent would interrupt him and tell him not to finish, but there was no sign of impatience. Before concluding his statement, he listened carefully for some last-minute thought of regret or that same twinge in his chest he’d been so keen to follow earlier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Everything felt wrong, but right despite that. “Lord Pent, I must decline the invitation to succeed you as Mage General of Etruria. Your recommendation, however, has humbled me beyond my worth, and I thank you for considering me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pent took Count Caerleon’s letter, smiling to himself as he reviewed it. “I see. Well, I would be lying if I said I was not even slightly disappointed with your decision… But Erk, more than anything, I am happy you made this decision on your own. All things considered… I think you’ve made the right choice. Right now, this is the most important thing you can do with your life—making sure the people closest to you are safe and happy. And that goes for me as well.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For a while, Erk found himself lost for words, touched deeply by his mentor’s sentiment. There was some lingering regret knowing Pent had anticipated his acceptance in the end, but rather than protest or retract his statement, Erk bowed his head in acceptance. “I… Thank you. Thank you, Lord Pent. Your words are deeply appreciated.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As he returned the letter, Pent took another step closer, setting his hands on Erk’s shoulders. In that moment, Erk felt he was a child again, looking up with wonder even though he had grown to be eye-level with Pent. “No matter who you are or what you do, I could never ask for more. Erk, if you are happy, I am happy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Relief washed over him, and despite usual reservations over displaying and receiving affection from his guardians, Erk hugged them both.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Some time away will be good, I think,” Louise suggested. “You can see the world and how it’s changed since you last traveled. The both of you have more experience now—you especially, Erk. You’ll be just fine. Lord Rhys would not entrust his only daughter to you otherwise. Now, to finish formalities…” She nodded over her shoulder toward Priscilla and her father. “Go get some bonus points with him. Maybe it will come in handy for later.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He did not protest this time when Louise kissed his cheek again and did as instructed, greeting Count Caerleon in a way he hoped did not come across as too eager to please.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Priscilla tells me you have accepted my proposal! Wonderful news, though I expected nothing different from you. Erk, I will tell you the same as I told you the first time I asked such a task of you: keep her safe. Though I know the two of you know each other’s well enough by now, once an idea has formed in her mind…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Priscilla grinned. “It is true, Father. I suppose I have more in common with a few people than any of us realized… But I learned enough from you and Mother outside of that! I will be fine. There is not a finer person in this world to place your faith in. And I will look out for him in the same way.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Enjoy the time away. The Mage General won’t be going anywhere, and if he’s got no backup plan after you… Well. Pent shall manage, and the two of you are young. See the things you should have seen years ago while there is still time for you both. Things will only move faster from this point forward.” A pause. “So stop standing here talking to me, gather your things! You must set out at once! Send everyone my regards when you arrive. Oh—and send word that you <em>have</em> arrived, if only to ease our hearts.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk’s lips thinned into a serious line, and he accepted with a sharp nod. “Understood, Lord Rhys. I humbly accept this task and will see to it that Lady Priscilla is brought safely to Ilia. Thank you for ent—”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The old man rasped a laugh. “Oh, enough with you both. Priscilla, take your husband and go before I must drag the both of you to the border myself. Everything will be fine here. Go be where you’re meant to be.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>♦</p><hr/>
<p>♦</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By sunset, Erk knew he made the correct decision.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The feelings of guilt he’d described prior lingered still, but speaking so honestly and making a decision for himself rather than others left him empowered. Traveling with Priscilla for leisure was delightful, and the thought of seeing Raven and Lucius again brought a smile to his face. The two of them had undoubtedly healed in their own way over the years and would have invaluable wisdom. Canas had also mentioned his home was in Ilia, and Nino followed once they all went their separate ways. Strange as it felt, there would be time to enjoy the journey and follow it wherever it took them. Erk could only imagine how many sights he’d overlooked in previous travels and found himself excited to reunited with so many of their companions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He and Priscilla finished clearing their messy attempt of a garden after spending the remainder of the day packing, the yard as clear as it had been during its unaltered days before they started. The sight, plain as it was, felt like a new beginning. Exhausted, the two of them leaned back against the bench overlooking it all. Priscilla fanned them both with Count Caerleon’s letter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re right,” Erk said, unprompted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“About what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“About everything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, go on, tell me more. I’d never complain about hearing ‘you’re right’ again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk laughed. “You’ve always been right… Something about the way you phrase things always affects me differently. And everything you’ve suggested has helped me feel better. From when you said to cut my hair shorter to the two of us sharing everything… Maybe it’s because you were my friend before everything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, you do like it? I was worried… I always see you going like this,” Priscilla gestured with her own bangs. “Where you’re trying to mess up your hair and I started to feel bad. Not that I didn’t like your long hair. I just thought… Maybe… It might help you look, more, you know…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It does. It’s just taking some getting used to. You did a good job with it… Maybe Lucius will let you make something nice of his, too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lucius with short hair would be even more of a shock than you. I don’t know if anyone is ready for something that drastic.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you saying that to be genuine, or because you want me to say ‘you’re right’ again?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Priscilla feigned innocence, shrugging as her eyes rolled to the side. As the sun continued to set, she moved closer to her husband, head on his shoulder. Erk tilted his so it rested on top of hers, content to have dozed off there had she not nudged him some odd minutes later to head inside for the night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In solitude, Erk walked the perimeter of the gardens, lost in thought as he cleared the last remaining plants and weeds by hand. Their attempts at normalcy might have been misguided at times, but he found himself eager to know whatever lay in store for their future. His attention fell to one of several smooth stones lining a smaller flower bed, a circular plot where Priscilla had been convinced her primrose bulbs would take root, but like everything else they had tried, had not.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The stone became a memento during their travels across Nabata, something Erk could not remember his reason for selecting other than noticing how its smooth surface had contrasted so beautifully laying among other jagged rocks in what was once a flowing river. It wasn’t until they were engaged that Erk had discovered it again among other untouched possessions, Priscilla’s name carved as legibly as it could have been with another stone many years ago, his own name scratched out to the right as an afterthought from a later date.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Erk slipped the stone into his pocket and followed Priscilla inside. Tomorrow began the first day of the rest of their lives. The flowers he’d attempted planting own may not have taken root, but the bed of roses that was his family more than made up for it.</p>
<p> </p>
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